Explicit Withdrawal

Right now, this very moment, my life is nothing but a quintessence for the word compromise. I am desperately stuck on the middle ground in every possible facet of life. Be it career or relationships, the boat is sinking from both ends. Between dipping a year of college and the ever-deteriorating relationships I’m no less worthless than a puppet that too, with no strings attached.

Life is at a needle tip. Whichever way I go, I’m sure to fall…on more needles. That’s why it’s no surprise that being a hardcore rock lover I can still relate to

‘Needled 24-7, by Children of Bodom.’

I finally get the true essence of the song.

This way I can quote many examples to validate my meaningless existence. But my point here is why in the first place am I not making any observable or even an imperceptible endeavor to change the state of affairs. The answer, not being so tricky is that this is just the way I am. I’ve come to a no negotiation point with my disposition and feelings.

This incurable attitude of giving into situations, people and circumstances comes to me naturally now. The worst part being that I don’t even regret it anymore. I just live with it.

I’m not sure if I can call myself a coward just yet (I might if the status continues to be unaltered). But undoubtedly I’m careless to the core. Lackadaisical, in every sense of the word. I don’t care if I’m getting into a rut, and I don’t care if I’m not. I just go with the flow not appreciating opportunities and brooding my fate.

Can someone ever have such a complete and absolute lack of interest in ones own life! I mean, I know people who have an incessant concern with other people’s lives. And here I am just not bothered as ever.

After reading this conscience-stricken viewpoint, you might assume that I’m depressed, miserable, dejected and unhappy. But the bizarre truth is that I’m actually not feeling any of these despondent emotions at the moment. I’m in fact quite on terms with this way of life. I’m not sorry or disappointed. Cause as said earlier I’ve mastered the art of compromise.

BE HAPPY(-:

This post is especially written for a friend of mine who really needs to know this right now.

In general opinion, happiness is synonymous to gratification. Does being content really mean you are happy? Because if it does then as far is mankind is concerned, no one would ever be happy cause there’s no one in this world who has everything he or she ever wanted in life.

Human wants are never ending. One can never settle for the best things in life cause they are always searching for something better than the best. Which is not wrong or immoral. In very plain and simple words ‘ it’s a never ending need.’

A time comes when you really can’t remember the last time you were genuinely happy. And then one blames the circumstances. But if u actually think of it…the greatest part of our happiness depends on our disposition and not our circumstances. And we ourselves are responsible for our outlook in life.

At times we don’t know what exactly do we want form our lives. Do we act conventionally like everyone expects us to? Or do we go our own way? Make our own choices? Then we think to ourselves “ how can I be so selfish?” and that is where everything goes wrong. Cause If we ourselves are not satisfied with our choices how can we ever make others happy?

If you really want to be happy in life you have to be content within yourself. You have to do things your own way. You have to make your own decisions. You might make a lot of enemies in the process. But again, you can’t make anyone happy if you yourself aren’t a happy person.

Finale

As the whistle blows
I think of the miles
The end’s too close
Its time I rose…

Flashes of moments
Left behind…
As I pick up my bags
They all rewind...

I’m moving so fast
But the pace is nil
With my broken watch
The time stands still…

I see my station
Hoping the wheels turn back
But as I come closer
gradually they slack…

As I get off the train
I start regretting
Pallid reminiscences
I detest forgetting…

It’s my last arrival
I pay my closing fare
My last advent
Cause my journey ends here…

GIFTED

'Count Your Blessings'...these words, of two of my closest and dearest friends have given me a very fresh, new and a much more positive perspective towards my life.

Today for once instead of reckoning the unfortunate series of events happening in my life and constantly battering and blaming fate, I sat down to count my blessings which were not as much in disguise as I had thought. I just never took out the time to perceive…

and now that I’m aware, I’ve realized... that I am ‘Blessed.’

I am blessed…to be born with two hands and two feet.

I am blessed…with two eyes which show me all that there is to see… and much more.

I am blessed… to be healthy and strong…physically and mentally.

I am blessed… to be born in a Home and not a House.

I am blessed…to be the youngest in the family…pampered endlessly.

I am blessed…to have parents who love me to no extent, respecting my eccentricity.

I am blessed…to have a sister who’s always been my guiding light yet never failed her role as my best friend.

I am blessed… to have true friends... friends who are much more than a support system and no less than family.

I am blessed… to have my dogs… who give me a reason to smile whenever I look at them.

I am blessed… to be independent so I can stand on my own two feet.

I am blessed… to have had a past… which made me the tough person that I am today.

I am blessed… to have such a fine present with a promising future.

A lot is lost by the time we realize all this.

But, I am blessed…to have lost so little in discovering so much…

Renegade

Balloons… Thousands of colors and shapes…don’t they look amazing …

free flying…free falling…They can choose any direction they want to go in… they can wander off without telling anyone… it’s so hard to keep them under control…

Agreed they have a short life… but it’s so liberated…boundless… it’s so free.

Wouldn’t it be incredible… to be able to live like that? No strings attached… at least not permanently… to live on your own terms without having someone to determine your actions. Planning your own moves. Living your own life… not a puppets.

Doesn’t it feel great? To be complete as a whole…by yourself…and not looking for excuses for someone else to complete you…?

No matter how unconventional this might sound… wouldn’t you want to be your own boss…your own mentor… your own support…your own critic?

Wouldn’t you want to choose your own rights and wrongs? And break away from the pseudo agreeable existence?

At one point of time it’s not easy and as simple as it sounds to secede. Not that easy to cut loose. But if something or as a matter of fact, if anything feels so obligatory…so binding…why do it at all? Why in the first place put yourself in a situation which you can’t defer?

Not realizing we put ourselves there. We are the only ones to blame if later circumstances turn against us. I would say it’s my bad…its my bad that today I’m not free…that today I am doing exactly the opposite of what I want to…

A renegade …that’s what I am… left behind what I was…in becoming what I don’t intend to…

Look What Youve Done..JET

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

My Best Man

I don’t know why I keep waiting for this ideal guy to come along. There are two kinds of people in this world. One, people for whom a relationship isn’t really indispensable. People who are content with what they have. And two, people who need a constant reassurance of being loved and cared for by someone special.

Fortunately or unfortunately I am one of the latter. I don’t ask for much and I end up giving a lot more. No, according to me giving your best to someone isn’t a mistake. It’s a beautiful feeling when selflessness sets in and u realize just how strong you feel about someone, just how much you can promise someone.

In return the only thing I ask for from someone is a little bit of love. Just a little, not too much.

What I don’t realize is that I can’t make somebody love me. I don’t realize that sometimes things are just not meant to be. I don’t realize that not every person I like deserves to be my best man. And by not realizing all these things I was just fooling myself.

I was just fooling myself to believe in one sided relationships. To believe I have an ability to make someone adore me as much as I adore them.

If I look back … id be just looking back at people who once meant a lot to Me. ill never really know If I ever meant a lot to somebody or anybody for that matter.

But I want to change things. I no longer feel the need to love more than being loved. I no longer want to give more than I receive.

I’m no longer sure if I can ever trust relationships again. But if I do it’ll be PERFECT. With all its imperfections it’ll still be a perfectly balanced relationship.

And someone who can give me all of it, give me more than I deserve, want me more than I want him… will be my Best Man.

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye...

I will keep writing …

I just write... random thoughts…

I just write subconscious feelings…

I just write when I sense

I just write when I experience

I just write when I undergo

I just write when I believe

I just write when there’s no one to listen

I just write when I can’t explain

I just write to reassure myself

I just write when I want to reconsider

I just write to give justice to my views

I just write when I’m feeling weak

I just write when I feel strongly

I just write so I know

I just write when I’m restlessness

I just write when I’m euphoric

I just write to control my tongue

I just write to express

I just write coz that’s all I can do

I just write coz I’m no better at anything else…

Ek Onkar - One God

Identify God. Anonymity characterizes the word God and all its countless variations- Bhagvan…Ishwar…Allah…Almighty

Different Religions, innumerable interpretations and immense faith. But Faith in whom? Belief in what? A supreme Power? A presence? Or a mystical being? How do we recognize this entity?

The Answer to all these questions- Ek Onkar or one god, One Universal Creator. Personification of Self-belief creating a universal phenomenon.

The journey to god is a journey of personal persuit. Of awakening the conscience.

‘God Helps Those Who Help Themselves’… its just a matter of self-descipline and individual endeavour…

By saying all This I’m Not denying my faith in god. Nor m i in any way debasing people who believe. Its just that I possess a different perspective. I worship ideas rather than idols. I would rather acknowledge Real people who made a difference. I would rather look up to a great individual, somebody who’s actions answered a thousand prayers, someone who truly reflected love, compassion, humility, generosity. Not a mythological being who’s existence is ambiguous.

Creation Is a Phenomenon believed to be an act of god. There is no denying the fact that there is a sole creator of life. One who initiated the beginning. But religion confuses me as to who it really was. Can u name him/her or it? Not that I don’t have faith in my religion. I just percieve a religion as more of a unified existence rather than defining it on the basis of worship.

God is present in our mutual beliefs, God is present in our common considerations, God is present in our humble gestures, God is present in our co-existence, in our moral values, in our love for one another.

To me God is omnipresent. Present in all of us.

Synonymous And Solitory…

Ek Onkar. ..

Impossible Gratification

I want to roam free roads…
Carelessly and unobserved

I want to run till I’m out of breath…
And still keep running

I want to jump high…
Fall…
And scratch my knees

I want to play in mud…
Till I’m soiled… every inch

I want to break all promises…
And still be forgiven

I want to believe, the unbelievable…
And be unaware

I want to sleep all I want to…
With a constant head pat

I want to write gibberish…
And sound credible

I want to understand…
But not pay attention

I want to speak out loud…
And not be judged

I want to apologize…
Without explanations

I want to be useless…
And still be cherished

I want to laugh and snort…
As if I couldn’t care less

I want to eat barbarically…
Unnoticed and overlooked

At last but indeed not in the least
I want to be 8…
Not 18

Silence...

Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.
- Robert Greeleaf
Silence…sometimes it says all you want to say…
I cant say everything that I want to…but it doesn’t mean I have nothing to say… sometimes there is no need to come out with things… the unspeakable silence can be uncomfortable for some… but not for me…a lot can be derived sometimes from just a look , a gesture, a motion…

Its when u start understanding this quiet that you know a person internally… its when you start predicting actions… start predicting outcomes… start recognizing the voiceless words…

Words bind me...
Bind my thoughts…
Confine my opinions
Muffle my beliefs
So I stay unspoken…but the silence makes you see…

If you cannot tell
Interpret the quiet
Wander the … unconstrained
It’s when you understand the hush, that you know me well…

I’m not impassive
If I don’t express…
I’m not cold…nor m I blank
I’m not Evasive or vague
Just not too frank…


Because it limits my manner
To convey …
Limits me to share…
When id rather not say…

Words bind me...
Bind my thoughts…
Confine my opinions
Muffle my beliefs
So I stay unspoken…but the silence makes you see…

New Beginnings

I could see you walk up with a smile on your face
That day I saw a dream, a vision I wanted to chase

All my doors were shut
But a new window had opened up..

I was scared, scared of losing again
Tried to convince myself
But all my efforts were in vain

Though it was a lovely feeling
Inside I was hurt, damaged
And still healing
I couldn’t define my thoughts, my emotions
Until you came…
And gave them a meaning...

You had started something fresh, started something new
I’d started skipping heart beats again
Was waiting to be with you…
Thought I was asking for too much, too soon
But that was when… you made my wish come true…

Now that we’re together lets give this our best
Let’s try to make it work
To fate, let’s leave the rest…




(Just being cute (- ;)