Well this is my first poem ever! i remember i was in the fourth grade... i remember, i had picked up a piece of scrap from the floor (because i had no notebook as usual), borowed a pencil from someone (because i had lost mine as usual) and scribled it in a hurry so i could give it to my english teacher (just to impress her.) so here it goes...
FEELINGS
Oh! my feeling,
has no healing...
No care, no one to share,
like a lost child in a fare...
Now i have no doubt,
my tears will come out...
My tears will last in the flowers,
stolen by the nectar thieves...
I suppose only the bees,
would share and care,
and help in healing,
my stupid feeling...
4 comments:
my baby!!! my sweetheart!! just temme who hurt your feelings in fourth std and i'll give him or her a good bashin!!! hahaha I still remember how suprised i was when you had shown me this poem all those years back...knowin the brat that you were and still are, was astonished to read the poem..lol...mwaaahhh love you!!!
just out of curiousity
have u written these poems urself or have copies it from sumwhere !!!!
i write them myself (-:
Review: Feelings.
Verdict: Fairy-Tale-ish-but-short-and-vague-description-of-emotion.
Cute, though, very cute!
Share and care...:P Yeah sure! If you ever try it once just let me know...Nevermind its not a crime to live in a fairy-tale-dream. Its really very funny and ultra-cute. Shweet! You like honey, huh? *battles eye lashes*
Oh girl o girl! I don't know what was going on in your head but its kind of funny 'cause "Bees" are not even remotely close of being sensitive creatures(towards other species, that is)... How I wish! That swelling I had lasted for couple of days and was such embarrassment, when as a child (Maybe-I-was-in-4th-grade...Holy-maybe-Irony! :P). And that IV injection that my mom-dad got me injected(I guess it was dad, and he's got a rough hand or maybe it was because of Sigmund Freud-defined-"Oedipus Complex" :P)... Sweet-Double-Prick-Combo (Bee sting and the injection, that is).:X
Or maybe they're(Bees) partial beings...-shrugs*fakes it*-whines-
It has some crazy sharp turns which I haven't seen much anywhere but the write is cute though. And you had managed to keep a steady rhythm to it. It lacks on rhyme, and seems very forced. When the reader almost enters your fairy-tale, you'd ended it. :( Not a bad write for a 4th grader, you've my applause.
Retrospection: Introspection
10th Dec, 1996.
Tuesday.
I lay my hands on cousin's "In my lifetime" by Neil Diamond. Its silly of me, 'cause I have had never heard of Neil Diamond before but I
had a feeling that this one cassette will be good...Atleast better than those hyperbolic-backstreet-gays that people were hooked onto. Maybe the reason why I found them(BSB: BiSexual Boys) irritating then was(thanks to) their magna-demand-in-school-girl-mates. I was growing up and how I sensed them as competitors...*gags* Id-controlled-childish-freak-on-a-leash.
Anyway I bring this cassette home that day and played it only to fell in love with the song "I'm a believer".
11th Dec, 1996.
Wednesday.
I go to school, and in each classroom lecture I'm thinking of just the very song...scribbling down the song lyric only to grab the attention of my-best-friend-n-seat-partner-n-crush "Piyu". But sadly of no use, anyway but I get stuck where it says "Not a trace of doubt in my mind". Desperately I try to recall, but what came out was "Not a trace of clouding on mind".
Somehow I became obsessed with the phrase "clouding on mind" then and ended my school day with a poem... my first official poem "Clouding on mind". I was in 6th standard then.
Clouding on mind
The sun is shining high, when i look upto clear blue sky,
but still there is clouding on my mind ,
for I can't understand, the need to be the perfect one.
The reason where to find, there is clouding on my mind.
Love me, for who I am,
and not for the perfect one, you seek,
Love me, for me,
for if you can't, I'm happy all alone,
But give it a reason before you leave.
The reason where to find, there is clouding on my mind.
(All rights reserved MP@AP2004)
I tried to show it to "Piyu" but could not, 'cause it was supposedly "embarrassing". The poem went into seclusion for 8 long years (but I kept writing more, secretly)... Posted on allpoetry on 20th Dec, 2004.
Self-Review: The poem lacks substantial rhythm (the syllable count per line) and the rhyming is out-of-place.
More of like a rough draft than a finished work.
PS I think I really should start a blog of my own! :P
PSS And more so because I've been accused of "eating your head [out? huh! ...He's(that anonymous) so lame though :P)]
Post a Comment